... is written to the right. but theres one more!

____________drumroll___________________


a
hug
from
all
my
bessos.
Y

now thats an easy one right?

oh damn, i dno what propelled me to do so, but i confronted him.

yup. damn stupid rightz. zz.

and the day he gets a new gf, is my birthday.

actually i went to tuition and i started feeling better cos i got distracted by math. im such a geek. but now im feeling a hell lot worse.

not much's been going right lately.

like,

ri just got rejected, for instance.

rthen, im still as fat as ever.
(okay, i grew taller and my weight remained the same but i still hate this.)

rim getting very tired easily and stuff.
(my math and studies are getting worse. the worst thing is that i keep trying to improve it but i have no idea how to.
i keep meaning to use the mindchamps method and everything but i just.... dont.)

ri feel like, im very... screwed.

rmy time management is zero.

rditto for self-discipline

ri cant dance well now.

ri dont feel a thing for life now.

nada, zero, zilch.

oh, and, since im not on Gen's featured friends in friendster i took her off mine too! i know im being damn petty, right now, but similarly, i dont give a shit about it, right now.

pretty much, i dont give a shit about many things now.

^it means whenever you leave.

and i took like, 5 mins just trying to chew the bloody presered fruit with the cereal this morning. i added milk to it so that it'd soften and everything. so i was practically eating like an old lady.

and let me check the blogshop....

---------------------------------------------------------------------
NO. DAMMIT. MY ELMO SHIRT IS gasp GONE!

and worse still. he doesnt like me. apparently he's gna get a girlfriend very soon.

dammit.

i suddenly don't feel like blogging. goodbye world.

i srsly want that elmo shirt. cos elmo is now my bestie. but mother flipping doesnt allow. >:[!

and like, if you take too long to think it'll be gone right? GRR. and she doesnt get it.

im wallowing in self-pity and that sucks so im trying to get my mind of boys and such. DONT YOU GET IT?

damn, im pissed. like majorly. who the hell was i trying to kid? listening to dora the explorer does help, gen, but i feel like listening to songs that make me emo.

well, they dont usually make me emo, but when i feel emo they make me more emo, so yeah.

so now, my MSN nick is, EMO ELMO IS MY BESSOFRIEND. bessofriend = best friend la ._. and i really feel at a low point of my life. no, not the lowest. i made it a point to not let boys make me get to the lowest point of my life.

but im still emo. like, for god's sake manz. and i really feel like crying.

not only for dddddd, but also for math. the more i think about it / the more pissed i get. like, the only subject that i usually dont study for and still can pass it pretty well, has now fallen into the category of 'STUDY, MUG, STUFF THE WHOLE TEXTBOOK INTO YOUR HEAD IF YOU HAVE TO'. damnz.

ever since the June Hols have finished. yup. my math, not math, STUDIES, went downhill. and that really really sucks.


When It All Falls Apart
I'm having the day from hell,
It wasn't all going so well (before you came)
And you told me you needed space,
With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are (anymore)
I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do (when it rains it pours)
And not to mention (I drank too much)
I'm feeling hung over (and out of touch)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No

Can it be easier?
Can I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad everytime
Will I be mending?
another one ending once again

Everything is F'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me what do you do, when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up where do I start
Cuz I can't turn to you when it all falls apart
No [x2]

Falls apart
Gotta pick myself up 'cause things are messed up

Patience
Been good, been bad,
got worse, got better.
I fell I know myself when i'm looking in the mirror.

Been hurt, been loved -
I'm scarred, not bitter.
I am an angel with the knowledge of a sinner.

But what do I do, and how should I be?
When I look at myself, I can only see me....

I need a little patience...

Been hard, been soft,
been both, been neither
Above it all, I am only a survivor.

Been down,been low,
got up, got higher -
We are only human, all just liars...

So I wait for the day when I open my eyes
And I look to myself,
but it's no big surprise

I need a little patience...

Well i'm sitting here and sinking and i'm on the '8th floor
And i'm thinking do I jump or should I stay around for more?
I watch my friends get bigger and get better and get richer

But i'm not bitter

Time is ticking ticking ticking ticking ticking on with a vengeance

I want it all
I want it all
I need a little patience....


Till I Get Over You
Everytime I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh

You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and sky so blue
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pr©tends que tout va bien)
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you

Sometimes I watch the world go by
I wonder what it's like
To wake up every single day
Smile on your face
You never tried
We both know we can't change it
But we both know we'll just have to face it


(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pr©tends que tout va bien)
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you

If only I could give you up
But would I want to let you off of this soapbox baby?
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice


(Chaque fois que tu t'en vas)
You just bring me down
(Je pr©tends que tout va bien)
So I'm counting the tears 'til I get over you

We both know that I'm not over you
I'm not over you

sometimes life really bites. hell.

Yeah, went dentist tdy ;D

Happy fact is that I'm putting on braces on the 21st of Aug. Could have been earlier, but, I think there's some clash in schedule or something. sad fact is that my teeth hurt. Anyhoo, getting my teeth bands on the next appointment, then i extract, then BRACES;D

FUN RIGHT!

uhhuh. but what really irks me is that there was this bloody arse with half a brain who stole our parking lot. like mommy drove from the left, then he drove in from the right and we both spotted the lot at the same time, but mommy turned on her lights first right...

HE STILL PARKED IT. then mommy was like, muttering something under her breath. ;O

but anywayz, we found a parking lot closer to the lifts and stuff. HA, IN YOUR FACE, LOSER >:]

but no time to shop! we had to eat really quickly and then go dentist. and there was this gay looking guy who looked at me really weirdly. hes from one of those schools near SC. you know, like ACS and stuff. zz.

had to take xrays and everything. and like, i saw the xray of my teeth and saw my WISDOM TOOTH! teeth, actually. but anyways, he inserted like, 2 bands (y'know the type you put for braces?) between my teeth, to 'make space' and so now it hurts like anything.

and ive been chewing on porkchop since dinner. like, so that it doesnt hurt so much. and i did math to get my mind off it. doesnt really work. but whatever, at least i did math.

and Home Ec. was tdy! i would have sounded happier, but i am stuck with theee most worst home ec. partner ever!

AlvinoJuano.

like, i may like alvin a lottys, but trust me, he's the worst home ec. partner eveer! he doesnt even know how to cut the apple core. and he dropped it on the floor.

and the worst part?

he forgot to tell me and DIDNt throw the damned apple piece away.

but it was still fun and everything. but i hate the boys of our class. vultures, really. and huge, idiotic, indignant, ego-istic, total huge assholes.

okay, not all of them. but those whom im talking about are those who...

rtook alvin's crumble without even sparing a thought for the poor guy, they finished it (even the one without ANY fruit filling) and leaving him less than half to eat.

r-ate anthony's without his permission. assholes.


r-tried to get more when he's eaten a hell lot of it already


r-those who tried toe at when they have already gone through the Home Ec. part of the science talent. which, pinpoints to practically everybody becosso, we're the last group to do the Home Ec. part. so really, guys, bitch off.

ugh, assholes. utter, absolute assholes.

then today had Math class test right? i totally screwed the last question. so now i failed it. but gwen wrote this cheer up thing on the back of a Simpson's Movie postcard, which is so cute manz.

sheesh, my math sucks.

:D

HA. like real manz. nadira, please grow up. you want to post about it on your blog, might as well just write NADIRA KAMALUDEEN rather than HI right? sniggers zz. okay, so much secrecy man. so much until its obvious.

zz to you! and a whole load of other vulgarities but im trying to cut back on them. okay, hell to that. SCREW YOU, you mothafucker!

AND, if the 'other you' is referring to me, well, before you bitch about me, let ME have the honor, and no, im not asking you for permission.

yes, we all bitched about jasmine during the bangalore trip. we ALL did. twirls finger around an imaginary circle ALL, i repeat.

and who's worse, may i oh-so-very-humbly ask? you, the one who's known jasmine since p1, and supposedly good friends with her (and since friendship since p1 right, bond should be stronger right), or me, knowing jasmine since the start of this year? okay, both as bad la. but you are WORSE.

and at least i have the courage to tell jasmine im sorry right? she told me on the bangkok trip. and i apologized to her. and i truly meant it. HAVE YOU MEANT ANY 'SORRY's YOU'VE SAID? i dont think so!

the last time you said sorry to gwen about that thing (im not as bad as to type out what horrible thing you did), im damn well SURE you didnt mean it. because why? ... you're back at it again. zz. thats really stupid of yous.

really, truly, stooooppppiiidddd.

and my oh my, talking about mean girls? EH SO RIGHT MANZ! 3 of them, 3 of us, but guess what? jasmine is truly your friend and in Mean Girl's none of them were. they were just bimbos. plain backstabbing bimbos. so i guess im a bimbo huh?

like, omigod! i've like, finally got in touch with my inner bimboooo. so now lets all like, go paint our nails and do our hair, its gonna be sooooo much fun!

and guess what? bimbos may be bimbos, but they can also be really bitchy.

and i admit, i backstabbed a lot since the year started. not really backstab, but i bitched a lot. bitched around. but so did you. remember, for a period of time you'll only sms me to complain about this and that?

and now im telling you, i have my own life, and my own emotions, and having you bitch around everything is really tiring. like, yeah. so you only sms me cos you know i can be bothered with you? so when you're happy you just sms somebody else?

and i thought i was mean!

AND! my god /smacks forehead in exasperation/ bitches refer to girls, not guys. guys are referred to as bastards. zz.

-no.
i love this school
i love the guys
i love their jokes
its just that 3 of u i cant stand at all
and just in case u dont know
u talk about each other behind their backs
thats called bitching
and ure friends with people but people talk bad about u and u dont know
and u consider urself good friends
why did i mix with u in the 1st place?
im just like the girl in mean girls
someone desperate to finally have someone.
but i mixed with the not so rights,
and ende up a bitch
and yes, im changing my ways and my life

and this time, youre not ganna be in it-im sorry

exerpt from her blog

seriously, you cant be that girl from mean girls. lindsay is hot, (at that time), but you're not.

and i know they say beauty is skin deep? i cant see any side of it in you. and maybe you cant see any of mine either, but i guess that's life?

okay, time to get back to math tuition hwk. toodles!

p.s. its a lot of red (comment from gen) cos i'm SEEING red. dang you, you piss me off badly, bitch. and the reds are mostly what i really want to say.

... that my birthday's in like, less than a week! 5 days, in fact. :D

okay, i didnt do any bit of math, was distracted by the computer. im seriously starting to wonder if im turning into one of those computer-addicts. like, you know, those who get violent when you try to get them away from the computer? like, even on their very own parents?

i only verbally abuse my parents at the most, never physically. haha. no way manz. i regret whatever i say later anywayz.

anyway, was reading xiaxue. the hack thing. somehow i had no idea about it. yup, distracted by it. totally. then now i offed iTunes cos it distracted me and it would have felt weird cos iTunes is always playing but im in front of the tv now, so go figure.

OOH! kim possible new season. okay, spastic. but its okay to watch if there's nothing else left. okay, i realise i missed hannah montana. that show is damn funny can! but now im watching suite life. okay, how can a guy's hair looks nicer than mine?

okay, maybe cos hes a blonde. DAMN. >:[ lucas gabreel looks ugly now.

and my tv is so screwed. that C.E person was right, plasmas function for a few years then conk out. but the lcd on we use for the computer is too small to be a tv. so we're gonna be tv-less for a while. damn.

okiedokie, now im gonna try do my work. like, really, TRY.

toodlydoo!

and TLLM. how can i concentrate when i want to buy so many things? dammit. >:B damnn. localbrand has nice stuff too. i like this one. samsui chick its so cute. inspi[red] has nice stuff too! damnz. im materialistic-ing. >:[

okay, i know that song is really old. okay, last year, but whatever. i can really relate to this song. and the best thing theres no mention of boys or anything else for that matter.

yup. boguht my shoes. but tempted myself with other stuff too. surfing zune.net right now. the things are really cute. like e.g.



or



or my personal favourite



boo, it isnt raining/cloudy anymore. BOO. okay, time to do tllm and shiz. bye people!


Pink
Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best
No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you well
Little girl
Until we meet again
Oh
I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me

i watched family guy till 1 ytd. damn. then i woke up at 9 plus and couldnt go back to sleep. and now there's like LIGHTNING and THUNDER. coolness! and i realise that ever since last friday its been raining everyday.

i know i complained about the rain ytd? okay, not complained, but... yeah, whatever. anyway, i take back everything and anything. rainy days are nice, okay.

and now i have no idea how to do my TLLM thing cos debbie still hasnt collated the results to send to us. and i already told mrs ang we'll have it done by tuesday, dammit.

DEBBIE, YOU FLIPPING FLAKE.

damnz. okay, i just have to make do with i can remember. which is practically nothing. i have the worst memory anyone can have. and if anybody knows... is organophosphate poisonous? cos thats what they add to processed peaches in Hawke's Bay. damn. its something containing phosphorus. is that an element or something? it reminds me of the metal characteristics. oh god. my science sucks.

shall make do with what i can find/remember. =/

bye.

... trying to do the TLLM thing. cos for one, i dont even know what fruit we're doing. so dammit, i give up.

-crowd gives a collective gasp-

yup. cant be bothered man. not bothered. okay, gna bloghop and then dance the dance we learned in street jazz. ;D

I
Love
You
A
Lottys ;D

TTYL!

okayhokayyyyyy. dance wasnt tha good. at least, not hiphop. for god's sake, yutaki...

1. you CANNOT sing for nuts. so just clap the beat, and not DA DA LAAA.
2. you take like what 30 minutes for warm-ups, 15 for technique and 15 for choreo?
3. you maybe Cleo's Bachelor but seriously, I don't think anybody wants to see your red undies.

but street jazz was fun. like, yeah. but i kept getting mixed up and its so damn hard to dance with the constant reminder of my monthly friend. you wouldnt wna know.

anywayz. yeah. we danced to sexyback. but we used a slower song first, cos some of us couldnt keep up. i couldnt keep up at the end. like, some switch foot thing. but the guy is like, gay. and and and, i found out brian wont be back for a while. so i guess we're stuck with god-knows-whats-his-name.

and he infused BALLET with street jazz. which is sort of cool. but still. we're talking about a guy who has biceps and triceps and abs doing JAZZ HANDS and PADEBURRES! OHOHOH! and gronde something. damn, i suck at ballet D;

then anyway, i got to ballet. and all 3 of us, emelia, annette and me feel like quitting ballet. then we slacked around and stuff, while waiting for ms chew to come. like, talking and laughing. and emelia is seriously slow. -_-

anyhoo. i need to do TLLM and science report now. and i forgot to bring back my logbook and would ahve forgotten if jasmine didnt tell me. damn.

i dont want to wear my FBTs to dance, but they're the only ones that i can find that are washed and not see-throughable if it gets wet. so im wearing my black fbts, which are shorter than my whites, but my whites are see-throughable and its raining like the clouds and the sun swopped roles (wouldnt that be so cool?)

but as much as i love the rain, i dont want it to be raining everyday. how the hell am i supposed to go joggingggggg?

or like, just go running around?

BUT NO, i still love the rain. esp. with thunder and lightning. mommy said im disturbed. yup.

okay, i finished math! am so v. proud of myself. but ratio sucks. i dno why i cant even tackle a bloody PRIMARY SCHOOL SUB. like, everything i learned in naps flew out of the window right after psle. cant blame myself though. i'm pretty sure everybody too.

damnz. gtg, lunch with gen and then dance. :D

okay, this is so spastic. today i went to molin right. like, 10 mins or so into the lesson, door opens and enters joshua from 1h. like, wthh.

so my first thought was shit. and i said it aloud. >.< ! okay, so yeah. then adelin and i were at our usual chatter. pissed the teacher off. no idea why she's so... -anxious/jumpy- yeah, so anyway, spastic. and then adelin told me about this encounter her friend had. guy: 'do you all speak english?' friend: 'yes.' guy: 'good. can you help me cut off my dick?' friend: 'why?' guy: 'cos i want to be a girlll' friend: -puzzled- 'why?' guy: 'cos i see girl wear pants very easy. i also want to wear pants very easy.' zz. wtf. okayz. tmr i might not be able to go. damn. zz. grr. wth. okay, and my p's here. damnnnnnnn. okay. feeling a tad more than spastic. oh and heng li's msn nickname is so ew.

Voidwalker- I long to see you and tell you I'm mesmerized by your cute charm

EW MANZX. and i know i sound self-centered when i say he's talking about me. but i do know he's talking about me. its pretty obvious and he told auntie who told me in turn. ewwww. EWWW. ewz.

but molin is fun! (: and then adelin is theeeeeee worst subtle person in theeeeeee entireeeee planet. like, we were talking about joshua right. then she kept pointing to him la. 'really ah?' HIM?' -smacks head in exasperation-

MY DEAR GIRL, he may act aloof but i bet he can hear you okay. the classroom isnt that big. -_-

then that cedar girl, her cousin right, they like, burst into the room, and she made such a big deal of being late. and yada yada yada. oh what drama.

haha. kay. spasticness. and i did my chinese test in 15 mins and did pretty okay. so see. we dont need an extra of like, 1h 15 mins and sit on our asses, doing nothing. okay, i scrawl on my paper. like, scrawl.

oh oh oh! then adelin and i were having this competition, see who write the name faster. like, then we kept writing. then 'restart, 1,2,3.'

then later i say write each other's name. and i kept writing her name as adellin. I HAVE NO FLIPPING CLUE WHY. -smacks head- i kept smacking. my head, i mean. today.

and i was so spastic during molin. like, i felt hot but cold at the same time. bloody aircon broke down. and so it was damn stuffy. stuffed up like how a nose would be like when a person's having a blocknose.

okay, ewwwww. but yeah. metaphorically speaking. then uhhhhhs. yeah. today alvin and i did the same thing during chinese. so cool!

cos we had to run up to get our file. and then when we got back to our seats, we both took out our waterbotties, drank from it, smacked it on the table, smacked the nozzle back down then cross our legs.

OH SO COOL MAN! haha.

p.s. i also realise i post multiple times per day.

okay. i changed my profile thinggers. i did use it as a base. so yah. i hope you are very happy, LyeYee (omg.i like the name. its like lychee or something. no offence to anybody, though. :D). whoever you are. and no, i didnt type/say that in a sinister way. you know, the type like,

mistress to couple who just reunited: 'and i hope you all will be veeerry happy togetheerr.' -walks away dramatically with a sweep of some satin dress train- and you know that by the tone of her voice she's most prolly gonna kill both of them, you know. that sort of sinister way?

okay, and i know you're most probably looking at me like i have 3 heads or something. :O butters, yeah. how'd you find my blog anywayz?

okay, i lied. i've only done like, 4 math qns since i last said toodles. or the darren thing. was planning for tmr la! yup. i have no self-discipline at all manz. >={

okay, i do. have a bit. i didnt allow myself to continue watching tv. and instead came into the room with the mind to do my homework. and started half playing computer and half doing homework. okay, maybe its 2/3s play computer and 1/3 do homework.

oops.

anywayz. yah.

tomorrow is gna be so fun! :D

okay, click on it for actual pixels. picture self-explainatory. enjoy, darren!

okay, today i felt damned brain-overload. cos i actually listened during lessons. and then i made the resolution to stop slacking. or at least until the common tests are over.

and yeah, i changed the headings of my profile thing. and i realise how my star sign looks like a sperm. yeah, thats the leo sign. ROARrr! okay, not intimidating at all.

but anyway, today we had stuff. and i failed my book report for chinese. and why? cos i forgot to complete it.

damn.

i remember now; i was half-way doing it, then i went to play the computer. then i sort of just remembered it as finished. and i didnt check my work, because im normal. oops.

yeah. so bam. 18/50. booooo. saddo. okay, not really. cos i got 16/20 for that weirdo creative writing thing. : D then alvin wrote only 1/3 of what i wrote and got 14. oh wellz!

mm, then for p.e. cos other people had to re-run so jasmine and i just lazed around. and did monkey bars. and i hurt my palms. ouch. but anywayz, thanks to her wanting to walk up to olivia since she fell down... MRS GOH DECIDED THAT WE HAD NOTHING TO DO.

'girls(me, jasmine, bianca, olivia), go clean up the p.e. room!'
-grudgingly walks to p.e room that stinks like hell-
-turns around-
'eh, do we get cip points?'
-mrs goh looks at me with that look-
'oh, so we do! COME ON JASMINE, LET'S GO GET SOME CIP POINTS!' : DDDD

damn. we just threw the things around and into their places and cursed the people who threw the stuff on the floor. then cursed somemore. and more. :D

OHOHOH! then like, now everybody hates wc cos he is a HUMMMMMMMMMMMMM...... JIIIIII.... OHMM....

i have no idea what i saw in him manz. O:

oh, then dexter brought this really efficient thing-a-jiggy that actually works on cleaning our tables, so we sprayed and sprayed. and cleaned. and sprayed. :D funners.

yeah. so, anyway, we ran the last 2 rounds with gwen. and then mrs goh was like, 'gwen, gwen, gwen, what happened to you? you were doing so well!'

which was true. 7 mins, 3 rounds. way better than me can. but she got the stitches and everything. AW.

then tmr cannot go watch movie with gwen and theyalls. D: but i cant miss dance anymore manz! 3 bloody weeks of abstinence from dance. that seriously sucks. so yeah. but boo! sorry people!

okay, i have set a ton of things for me to do for this weekend. and im planning to do at least 2/3s of what id set. so yeah. toodles :D

haha. the middle picture i used the macbook photobooth feature thing. i look more spastic than usual. i like the furthermost right one the best (:

of course i didnt. thats just stupid. i just regained my voice manz! i want to sing my heart free. okay, maybe not.

and trying to play the guiat while singing is hard. proves that not all women can multi-task. but i can do the email-phone thing. so maybe not multi task at everything.

but anyway, WHY JEANETTE, WHY MANZXZ?! -bangs head on the wall-

okay, not yet. after asean dance i might just do that. i mean, bang my head. on the wall.

WHY JEANETTE. i just hope i can still get my photo. despite the fact that im sure i'll look like some spastic deranged mutt. oh well. damn. damn. damn.

remain calm, crystal.

that was so obi. suddenly downloading loads of michelle branch songs. dont ask why. and pink songs too. i got the cd but i cant flipping upload it. dont ask why.

goodbye to you. cos i just want real love. you ain't got no kind of feeling inside. if i could just breathe. ive never cared much for love. its all in the game of love

random phrases i pick out while listening to the songs. haha. im considering smsing this to darren at the stroke of midnight;

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARREN/TRISTAN/COLLIN!"

haha. maybe id do that. tristan sounds so much nicer right! 3-waying with clara and jeanette now. hahaz. AhahAhAHAHhAhhAHZzZZzZzzZZzZzZzZ!

-stops force laughing- but they are seriously funny to talk to. especially when jeanette loses focus and cant follow what we're talking about.

3 cheers to the spastic crew! :D

but that's a paradox. its the same as this,

the following sentence is true,
the previous sentence is false.

see what i mean? i give up manz. on trying to get a bloody comment page up. haha. spastic. i think im gna try play the guitar again. but i lost my pick. so lada, my fingertips will have to do the work. i dont think its that pain.

is it? :O

haha, title was from he said, she said - ashley tisdale. and no, im not playing dress-up, im past that stage alrs. i think. haha.

ive decided, to get clara to help me. PLEASE CLARA? (: i mean, i'll still face rejection. but at least not to my face. okay, spastic thinking, but whatever.

and anyways, ive decided that there are some other stuff worth to be hyped up about, like say, the asean dance? those are the 2 dresses that im considering. i like the second one better but i have a serious phobia that it might drop anytime. the top part, anyway.

damn. okay, and other stuff. like how gwenny and i are talking again? and i have vitasoy in my fridge now? and that darren's birthday is tomorrow? and that that that... IM FINALLY GOING BACK TO DANCE?

that last one is a definite worth-getting-hyped-up event. i mean like, its been like what, 3 weeks since i havent gone dance? 3 WEEKS, people. 3. thats almost equivilent to... a month!

and asean's only 2 weeks away and im very glad to have found a dress. but now for the shoes... haha, i sound bimbotic.

bimbo 1: 'like, omigod! i just can't believe that the asean is only 2 weeks away! i have yet to get my hair done! i'm going to look like a freakin' broom at it!'

me: 'at least you've got a nice dress.'

bimbo 2: 'isn't it 14 days away?

me: -rolls eyes- 'that is 2 weeks.' -smacks forhead and dies of horror-

bimbos mostly have at least one italic in their sentence. ONE man. ONE. sometimes more.
(like, omigod!)

who am i trying to kid, man. tell him for what. im being incredibly stupid, right now. feeling that too, sigh.

oh well, bright side, today i slacked a bit more than usual and stuff. couldnt concentrate. at all. its all your damned fault.

oh damnn. okay, this is so stupid. alvin said i was daring to write about it on my blog. well screw it. i shall focus on the happy side.

not telling = no rejection

huh, somehow i still dont feel happy. i need gen. ):

dude, the plan was to give it to me me FRIDAY man. why NOW? clara must have told you SOMETHING right?

like the fact that the moment you send me all the pictures then I WILL CONFESS? dammit, you.


OH YAY. he cant find the other pic. the one just me and him. so im gna wait till he sends me that too. then i might tell. i dno. im so self doubting myself. i should have wrote self doubt on that board before i broke it.

like, '1, 2, 3, COMMIT!' then self-doubt gone. haha, okay no. but its like crossing an obstacle yeah, and i have like, 3 obstacles to cross. and im not the best hurdle-jumper.

do you know what it feels like loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away?

okay, no, i dont love him. auntie alicia says some infatuation shit. EW MAN, NO. infatuation's about sexual desire, if im not wrong, can! EW MAN. EW EW EW, no wayyyyy. she say or else, i like him more than a crush-like.

me: eh, then crush like-like la!
her: no, maybe you love eh?
me: EW MAN, NO FLIPPING WAY.

no way man. no no no! refer to blog title for reason. =) yawnz. i need to sleep now.

trying to stay positive when everything else falls down.

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

somehow i cant tag my box, so i'll just reply to them here.
wth: haha, i guess so.
nick: theres something that im lacking called courage.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
and anyway, i had a talk to auntie alicia. she told me loads of stuff. and i guess she's right. damn it. i ahteeeeeee the downs. like, at e.u. they said to ahve ups we must have downs?

well screw it.

im at the utmost down of my life manz. and i wish to stay in that hole and never crawl out. i mean, all 3 problems caving in on me, at the same time. does that suck, or does that suck?

i dont think the best of therapists can help me now. cos there are only 1, 2, 3, 4 people that can help me now, and 3 of them seem to have turned away. the only one left standing is myself.

okay, this is really deep shit. for me, anyway.

damn.

okay, im feeling terrible yet really happy today. happy cos jasmine and gwen are finally talking to me, and not making me feel left out.

terrible is because im certain derek doesnt like me. okay, clara says im thinking too much, and since yesterday, ive been told i think too much like, 3 times already. and like, i want to tell him la. but i dont want to face rejection. thats a very terrible thing okay.

and i got lower than 20 for math. damnnn. then my science for sure die also la! and now i have to go remedial. dammit. LOWER THAN 20 EH! first time since this year. damn damn damn...

i dont know why, but i dont feel like studying anymore. not anymore. can school like, just stop functioning for a while? then maybe i can sort out everything else?

im really considering Christianity now. or maybe Baptist thingy-a-jiggy. that means like, believes in Christ but doesnt go church right? okay, maybe not. i have no idea. i dont get what the dictionary is saying, anywayz.

Crystal, Out.

okay, im not gna wait for derek with my pic anymore so im gna just post the pics i took up.


me and nicole

me and weiling, my group leader.

me and clara(:
me and sarah.
me and amanda
me and gen!

ive decided that tdy sucks. eggs. i keep trying to be positive.

but how can you when you feel the world caving in on you? okay, emo days. i am definitely pmsing.

oh damned god, i am theeeeee most stupid person ever to walk earth. i should have gone to a school where everyone are outcasts. cos now i really feel like one. i wna cry. jojo and gen are being very nice though. well, they always are, but yeah.

saddo. emo crystal. keith says that when i stone. haha, now he's like, with that stupid bandaged hand for od knows how long. i think 3 months.

sometimes i think im going to be a christian. i can see why people want to. its like, when they want to look up and trust a person, they turn to God. i mean, look at ariel. she may be emo for now, i think, but she still thinks of God. keith, despite his emo-ness, you can tell he's this really devoted Christian.

but thats really pathetic, for me, being a Christian just to turn to God only when i need him. so when i dont i chuck him to the side? okay, thats mean for me.

where's darren, my ever-holy friend, when i need him? like, he told amos that i was one of his best friends, and so is he. but hes rarely online and now that he's in VS its so hard for me to talk to him!

like, he's surrounded by gays who talk about dicks all the time. thank god darren is so holy that he doesnt get influenced. i hope. and besides, the fact that yuka so guai he also must remain guai to get her heart mahs!

awws. emo-ness. and i ahte math. nothings ever going right for me.

absolute hate. no more love. cancel that much love, your bitch. its all NO MORE LOVE, for me. bye people.

Leo:

daily
This could be an unpredictable day. The void moon will be out of touch with the other planets, so plans might not turn out like you hoped. Mars and Neptune will be at odds tonight. The guy you're seeing or a very close friend could be peeved about the number of hours you're spending on a job. Let the Sagittarius moon set you free to have some fun.

Love:
Everyone and everything seems like a glowing mass of wonder, and that's as it should be. Seize the day, dazzle that special someone and fill the world with your bright, boundless energy. Give gifts. Be an inspiration. Help the people around you. By midweek, you may feel like those people are too dependent on your vitality and bogging you down. Be patient with friends and lovers, and if conversation fails, draw, photograph or write your way past the difficulty. Offer you-know-who something you've made: A picture or a poem is worth a thousand conversations.

complete and utter most crap. i feel terrible.

okay, today school started and i felt very left out. did i do something wrong or something? like, are you all getting N back and im to be left out or something? if it is, just tell it to my face please, and spare me the humilation.

okay, sad things aside, i kept thinking of derek today. okay, spastic. but i like his braces manz! somehow i like guys better with braces. (ew, no. wk is out of the qn)

HE IS JUST HOT :D

okay, im getting spastic. anyway, tdy had bloody 2.4km run. 16 seconds something, i think. i got A :D yup yup yup. bloody hell. it should have been raining cats and buckets for gods sake, then at least its cooler.

but nooo, it only rained NOW. and the whole day's cloudy sort of made me happy but pulled me down a bit too.

i mean, if i get left out, do any of you get left out too? i checked and i saw that jasmine had nadira and gwen had alvin. sadness. i cried just thinking about it. HEY, I'M HUMAN AND I CANNOT STAND NOT HAVING FRIENDS OKAY!

but still, so it was cold and nice, but it somehow also made me sad. like, codl and dreary. but its not that i DONT like rainy days/windy and cloudy days okay! i love them like anything.

do you know by enrique iglesias sort of relates to me right now. saddo. about the whole derek thing. okay, why the flipping hell am i talking so much about him? OH DEAR. im an obsesser. damn.

okay, ytd smsed jeanette for almost the whole day. shes like, so nice.

then ytd night it went like,
sori 4 the late reply cause was having tuition... if u r asleep dan itz ok

so i said,
your tuition until so late eh? Oh Ya, DEREK FUCKING TALKED TO ME! i am practically high, can. (some other stuff)

she replied, why you say f word?

like so cute can! but lalal, i added derek on friendster. and theres this picture of him in a dress. so wtf.
tuition time!

p.s. i seriously need to get my mom to lock my computer away. i didnt manage to do my math ytd. lucky its not due today.

oh damn, gwenny, how on earth did you get the idea i like J?

EW MAN. EW. that guy doesnt even want to hug me for god's sake! haha, wth. and nick, of all people, you tell him. good god.

i like derek okay! NOT the horny one from 1A okay! not even from this school. SO RELAX BABE:D

and i checked the weather forecast thing on my widgets... its going to be raining all the way till thursday(: then its gna be like, cloudy and stuff, which i really hope is true.

and and and, im like, talking to derek. so i feel really lucky. and im not going to ruin it by like saying, 'derek, i like you truly majulee a lottys.' cos what if he's going for confident communicator as well? THAT WOULD BE A SHOCKER!

and a truly awkward moment. and the only reason why im typing it is cos i believe a)nobody i know knows him except for people form mindchamps b)he's never going to read this in a million years. and i already said on the front page, i sometimes really TALK. so this is my REALLY talk.

and damn, i havent finished math yet. ratio sucks man! i forgot everything i learnt in primary sch. oh haha, mr goh's gna be so pissed he's gna burst an artery. okay, thats mean of me. the bloke's not even married yet. yeah, i know. white hair for a 28 year old and not even married?

TOUGH LIFE MAN.

damn damn damn, i hate ratio!

my new name is Crystal, the Toast with Jam and Tuna.

i am so dead.

p.s. im still high over the convo! :D

whatever negative thoughts i had today just flew out of the window -- DEREK IS FUCKING TALKING TO ME ON MSN! :DDD

im like on the verge of screaming. okay, i felt like this when i was on a roller coaster, okay, maybe better.

ahaha, i am happy with the double p manz! yup yup yup.

and quoting kuzco 'hottie hot hottie'. OH GENNOH! remember those kids we saw during mindchamps lunch?

they were doing the 'K-U-Z-C-O, kuzco kuzco, GOGO!' omfg, so cute manz! aw saddo. he said brb then he went offline. and now hes online but he isnt talking to me. saddo!

but anyway, i have to do my hwk now. or im really going to be toast with jam. bye.:D

okay, today i felt a tad left out. okay, maybe not a tad. i dno. i think my monthly friend is coming so maybe i'm like, pms-ing?/ i have no flipping clue.

but yeah, outside looking in. thats some song, i think. but anyhoo, today really sucked cos everything seemed really screwed and im thinking of asking my mom to keep my mac so i might be on a hiatus soon.

so anyway, tdy we had the usual stuff. and i actually got 27 on my chinese test which i sort of flipped through and scribbled and then folded the paper into some weird thing. wow. yay me:D

i wna buy a plain canvas shoe and draw on it. wouldn't that be fun? okay, yeah. i realise parkway's like this plapce where most tk people hang out. and i see loads of couples. i want a boy too): omg, i sound despo. okay, maybe i am. not.

like, im going to start prioritisdfufh and stuff. and boys arent going to be the top 3. more of, top 10. yeah. i mean, world without boys would be boring. seriously. then today kaikiat was so flipping cute.

kk: eh alvin, what do you say to the person who wants to touch your dick?
alvin: um, go away?
kk: nooo! its EY! dont touch my brudder ah!

haha, hes so cute can! then gwen, alvin and i were walking up the stairs after physics then kk was like, 'GAH, alvin getting raped by two girls!'

but we pissed ian (wei'en) majorly off so he got damned pissed. then he stalked off. but srsly, he was pissing me off, taunting debbie like that.

'so do you have a story yet? huh? huh? huh?'

i'll tell YOU a story, you faggoty short fart. ms lim asked who played catch? well, im pretty sure the only time you played catch was when somebody was chasing after you to chop that imbecile head of yours off.

'COME ON YOU FAG!'
'NOooooOooOoOoOo~ MOMMY!!'

i hate you and you and you, Ian Tan Wei'En.

spent most of physics searching on google. haha, searching for stuff. totally irrelevant to physics. but whatever, i had fun.

i feel disconnected somehow. okay, dinner time. bye.

AHH. derek is like, so hot man! although everytime i look at him i keep thinking he looks a bit like a cat. like, i can totally imagine him with whiskers and this cat suit (not in a perv way) then going like the jasmine-way, 'MEOWRRR!'

kay, spastic. but ya, ytd was the best day i had since this year started. seriously. like, yesterday we learned loads of stuff, and we laughed a hell lot. i sat ONE person away from derek, and i COULD have sat beside him if i didnt swop seats. cos like...
i originally sat at x. then got 2 girls.
( ) (x) ( ) (G) ( G)

since got girl i swop lor.

( ) ( ) ( x) (G) ( G)

then clara came to sit.

( ) (C) ( x) (G) ( G)

then derek came to sit, and i was like, WHAT THE FUCKK. shit, NO MAN!!!

(D) ( C) ( x) (G) ( G)

SADDO MAN! IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME! cos like, yah, you get to massage the person beside you (both sides) so grrr. but yah, it was okay la. i was like, so quiet, dammit. so tired and everything. and joshua is there. so what the fuck!

then he go anyhow sign my list thing and signed the part where got blue eyes. HE GOT BLUE EYES MY ASS MAN! then today after dancing we had to get 5 hugs then he was standing near me (stupid bloke) so i just turned to hug him la.

then his face was like, 'what, you want ME to hug YOU?' then my face was like, 'HUGG!' so yah, damn funny la.

then he pat me on the back, doing the stupid semi-a frame. ITS NOT EVEN AN A FRAME FOR GOD'S DAMNED SAKE! am i really that repulsive? i bet you are! sticks tongue out

but yah, ytd i broke the wooden plank board thing. FUN! :D like, i couldnt do it the first time and i was feeling damned tired cos we danced like, 4 times that day and at that time we were dancing for like, 1 hour straight, and i kept screaming and everything.

so yah, then before i break the board i also had to scream my consent and stuff. i bet the person holding the board was like, 'man, this chick's like, weird!'

god, i sound like tarkie/brent. what the hell!

derek was imitating their accents. haha, so anyway, ya, i broke it, then it took a while for gen to come as well then we got really crazy and kept jumping even though my legs really hurt like shit!

then 2 guys stripped. ya, one got abs, one is just skinny like a pole. and really hunched over. whatever!

yah, it was damn fun cos we were all really psyched and stuff. totally fun manz!

today i arrived kay time la. then like, i saw derek, with his friend. then my group leader went to sit with him and i didnt dare to go sit with him at all. dammit. i am weak!

but yah, we all gathered then i went with clara, and he was like, 'hi clara!... want to sit? -makes space on the chair he's sitting on.-'

D:

but yah, today i didnt get to sit with him either, but i hugged him! (:

had t find 10 hugs then i hugged him and he sort of had to crawl on the chair cos he was standing on one dancing and he kept gaying and shaking his ass and i was like, laughing and screaming and stuff. but ya, I HUGGED HIM ABOUT 5 TIMES TODAY! i dno.

then brent told us about women and men and they showed us a clip from 40 year old virgin which was damn funny la.

'do you DO IT yourself?'
'well, depends -giggles-, its when the mood strikes.'
'so how's the mood striking you now?'
'-gasps- dont tell on me, if i tell you.'
'well, beth, it depends if you want to be told on.'

hahah, yah. fun! then uh, yah, we just kept dancing and stuff. derek is hot! and then yah, we all had visualising both last night and today and i fell asleep at one certain time on both events. and last night i fell asleep STANDING.

yah, like, wtf. and i always fall asleep at the most important part, so when he says like, 'so tell that perosn in the black cloak...' i'll be like, -snaps out of sleep- what black cloak?

cos like, it does get a little boring, after some time. i mean, 40 minutes eh! today! of course fall asleep right!

then like, in the middle of it somebody touched my head and everything and i was like, why the fuck is the assist team touching my head? but haha, i was like, too tired to do anything. and i teared a bit, cried a bit more, lalalala. if i had actually didnt fall asleep during the cloak thing i think i would have cried the most. haha. okay, im that disturbed!

um, ya, then they gave us the last stuff and ya, i wna come back. then it was damn cute la.

'LAST 20 HUGS PEOPLE! HUG EVERYBODY!'

then i hugged jeanette (i think derek likes her tears up) then i turned to hug derek and i caught his eye then just as about im to hug him this girl ambushes me from the back and i go like, 'oh damn.' then i just kept trying to hug him and stuff (stupid, right?) but everyone just kept ambushing me with hugs then finally i hugged him and i was damn happy and everything then after that we took group photo, and individual photos.

(IM A HONKEY DONKEY)

then i was like, damn spastic la. i took pictures with some people, then i was like, 'derek, take picture with you?' in this voice thing then he was like, okay, and (before that he took with jeanette and sarah alrs so he had his phone out) we took a picture la. our cheeks were like, 5 mm away! :DDD

okay, spastic, yet again. then he cut off his face. cos he alr said he has no flipping clue how to take self-shots. then i was like, take again la. (he said it was fine) but ya, we took again, then this time HE said take again, so ya. FUN:D then he was like, 'eh, jjjhanette (he purposely says it with this french accent to annoy her) take picture!' and he FLIPPING puts his FLIPPING arm around FLIPPING her!

ANNOYANCE!

bitch man! okay, no la. haha. okay, anyhoo, its like, 8 minutes to midnight and i still have school. damn, tmr got test, is it?

OH DAMNITY DAMN.

bye lovelies!

p.s. i know i may sound really whacked in the post, but i think breaking that board changed me. (spiritual bitch now)

p.p.s REMEMBER, although everytime i look at him i see whiskers on his cheek, derek is HOT.
-quotes from our cheer- sizzling hot sssssssssss

p.p.p.s. i feel like im like, p3 again, obsessing over boys and feeling totally exhilirated by it. and i cried thinking about it too. today during mindchamps. :D

haha,

today had empower u. it wasnt so bad. actually it was kinda fun. saw some people i knew there. like, my alto SL, stephanie, was there. then joshua from yanzhou's class was there. some ballet girl whos a grade lower than me was there, total poserrrrrss! :D

so anyway, ya, it was damn funny la. acronyms for FEAR

False
Evidence
A(something)
R(something)

damn, cant rmbr, oh well. i like this one better anyways.

Fuck
Everything
And
Run!

nice right! hehe. gen and i stuck to each other but yah, we met new people, and theres this malay guy who's really enthu so when we all stood up at the same time holding hands he was like, literally, jumping for joy and then gen and i were like, :O for a while then he waas like, clapping his hands towards us so i clapped spastically as well.

ya, overall very fun la. then before that i was imitating the guy,

'yae-ah, soe, you lot are jus gonna put your bags ins-o-ide and go sit dow-yn.'

funny accents. he really laid it on thick manz. okay, enough about mindchamps, more about chapati.

first time since school re-opened i got to school earlier can! yah, cook a bit, do the stupid speech. and ____ came! with the ngee ann people, anyway, but still. he was in the ROOM(: then he went to the other side (where i was standing) to fiddle with the polar puff boxes then after a while he went back.

haha. we made chapati~ and tkp has cute boys. but i dont go for younger kids okay! got one called johnathan. his hair gelled like ANYTHING man.

time to do pushups!

p.s. gwen; you were right, hes hotttt!
p.p.s. hilary duff looks hot now.
p.p.p.s. poll of reader's digest states that the 3rd worst sound to hear in the WORLD is multiple babies crying at the same time. AHAHAH.

me and jasmine on the pattaya trip. aijing has yet to send us our photos >:(!

me and xavier! the cute button.(: he looks a hell lot like -5!

oh damn! today had math test. and i made a very very stupid mistake. OH DAMNITY DAMN! i cannot be lower than jasmine man! >.< !

anywaysss, i havent been blogging a lot, yes, i know. but whatever. today had to stay back for bangalore >:{ okay la, slack arnd.

oh, then it was damn funny la, cos that cher asked us to ask dm to come down then she was like, 'thanks girls' then jevon was like, 'EH, ME LEH?' hes so cute manz!

and actually chinese teacher was nice, cos i forgot to do my kao cha thing. which i have yet to do. damn damn damnity damn.

tomorrow have empower u ;[ and have to go to school earlier. x^x. and gwen say i must talk to the sec 3s for chapati. Sx

xavier is over! yup. he and auntie jo. and i asked auntie jo if she got naval piercing or not.

'DONT GET LA! VERY PAIN MAN!'

thats the response. how positive. hahah, the first thing xavier said when he got here was 'cat?' he loves cookie a hell lot man!

Aijing
Amanda
Brenda
Curie
Darren
Delia
Gen
Gwen
Jo
Mel
Min
Ting
Shaokiat
Shu Han