Great, I have to uproot Ms Macbook up and back to my room, since Mom bought a new hard-drive shit and therefore, I do not have anymore space left on the table. (We had left the LCD screen+conked out hard-drive alone, therefore giving me space on the table, because the hard-drive was well, conked out.) Poor Ms Macbook. Poor me. Now I have to use it in my room, that made me feel claustrophobic which was the reason why I moved it to the living room in the first place.

Then, Cindy, being the stupid bitch she was, kept trying to 'help out' while I was trying to plug and configure the entire bloody thing (somehow, I REALLY don't know why but, when the dad's gone, it seems the first-born has to take over his IT duties). But she only succeeded in pissing me off. I don't know how my Dad could stand it; her fussing over stupid things, causing more trouble while he tried to actually make the thing work, unlike Miss Cindy.

And then I try to link the stupid wireless mouse and keyboard (WHY WIRELESS, WHY NOT ONE WITH A BLOODY CABLE, THEREFORE MAKING LIFE EASIER FOR ME.), pressing the stupid blue button, YOU can argue with me that the thing stopped flashing, when it CLEARLY didn't, and stupid Thinks-I-Know-It-All Cindy agrees for the sake of agreeing. Really, why do I even bother? While I press onto the stupid fucking button, you get to watch the CSI that I told you about while I had to press on the stupid button and monitor the damned flashing light and when I sneak a glance at CSI, I realise that I have to redo the entire fucking thing again because I overshot the sixty second time frame.

And right now I feel so pissed and I really want to cry for no good reason. Be it due to being shoved around for the entire day in the stupid IT convention that I went to, or PMS, I don't really care.

I think I'm suffering from depression. So let's Google the symptoms of depression and see about it. And let's use red, since I'm feeling so pissed right now.

• Loss of interest in normal daily activities. You lose interest in or pleasure from activities that you used to enjoy. (Not really.)
  
• Depressed mood. You feel sad, helpless or hopeless, and may have crying spells. (Well, duh, that's why it's called depression dude.)
  

In addition, for a doctor or other health professional to diagnose depression, most of the following signs and symptoms also must be present for at least two weeks.

• Sleep disturbances. Sleeping too much or having problems sleeping can be a sign you're depressed. Waking in the middle of the night or early in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep are typical. (I don't sleep much.)
  
• Impaired thinking or concentration. You may have trouble concentrating or making decisions and have problems with memory. (Well, I've always had bad memory.)
  
• Changes in weight. An increased or reduced appetite and unexplained weight gain or loss may indicate depression. (Well, I lost weight, but that's cause I exercise.)
  
• Agitation. You may seem restless, agitated, irritable and easily annoyed. (With Cindy around, it's hard not to be agitated/irritatable/easily annoyed.)
  
• Fatigue or slowing of body movements. You feel weariness and lack of energy nearly every day. You may feel as tired in the morning as you did when you went to bed the night before. You may feel like you're doing everything in slow motion, or you may speak in a slow, monotonous tone. (Ever since June.)
  
• Low self-esteem. You feel worthless and have excessive guilt. (HA! This one is spot on!)
  
• Less interest in sex. If you were sexually active before developing depression, you may notice a dramatic decrease in your level of interest in having sexual relations. (Oh yeah man, I used to do myself three times a day. Not.)
  
• Thoughts of death. You have a persistent negative view of yourself, your situation and the future. You may have thoughts of death, dying or suicide. (Happened and still happening. Ask Kiwi, I just told her that I might get hit by a bus while walking to her house tmr.)

Types of depression

The main types of depression include:

• Major depression. This type of mood disturbance lasts more than two weeks. Symptoms may include overwhelming feelings of sadness and grief, loss of interest or pleasure in activities you usually enjoy, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. This type of depression may result in poor sleep, a change in appetite, severe fatigue and difficulty concentrating. Severe depression may increase the risk of suicide.
• Dysthymia. Dysthymia (dis-THI-me-uh) is a less severe but more chronic form of depression. Signs and symptoms usually aren't disabling, and periods of dysthymia can alternate with short periods of feeling normal. Having dysthymia places you at an increased risk of major depression.
• Adjustment disorders. If a loved one dies, you lose your job or you receive a diagnosis of cancer, it's perfectly normal to feel tense, sad, overwhelmed or angry. Eventually, most people come to terms with the lasting consequences of life stresses, but some don't. This is what's known as an adjustment disorder — when your response to a stressful event or situation causes signs and symptoms of depression. Some people develop an adjustment disorder in response to a single event. In others, it stems from a combination of stressors. Adjustment disorders can be acute (lasting less than six months) or chronic (lasting longer). Doctors classify adjustment disorders based on the primary signs and symptoms of depression or anxiety.
• Bipolar disorder. Having recurrent episodes of depression and elation (mania) is characteristic of bipolar disorder. Because this condition involves emotions at both extremes (poles), it's called bipolar disorder or manic-depressive disorder. Mania affects your judgment, causing you to make unwise decisions. Some people have bursts of increased creativity and productivity during the manic phase. The number of episodes at either extreme may not be equal. Some people may have several episodes of depression before having another manic phase, or vice versa.
• Seasonal affective disorder. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a pattern of depression related to changes in seasons and a lack of exposure to sunlight. It may cause headaches, irritability and a low energy level.

I really really want to check myself in a loony bin and stay there. Or at least get some pills from my doctor. But to do so, I'd have to get my mom away. And if I go to my doctor, he'll most probably refer me to that psychologist I had last time. And he really sucked. Ugh. No wonder people died so fast last time, it was because they were all depressed! I bet it was. You know just now I was looking at computers when suddenly the thought of cutting seemed appealing. I know, totally unrelated matters, but weirdly, it made sense...? Oh dear.

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